News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

The Don wants to end speeding. For ever.


The Don is issuing an urgent warning to all speeding motorists to drive more carefully after he discovered that speed does kill. He cannot go into any further details about the incident for legal reasons, but insists nothing happened and the bonnet of his car dented up due to the heat of the sun warping it causing his wind screen to shatter too. But anyway….

The Don would like to warn all motorists that 30MPH means 30MPH and is willing to use his 1970s Trident Nuclear Missile system to enforce this. His mafia engineer Mr Enge Neer has come up with a way to trigger a missile launch to the vehicle owners registered address within minutes. It uses the latest technology called ANPR (Automatic Number Plate Recognition) which finds the registered address of the vehicle and triggers a launch of one of his trident missiles. The system will also trigger a traditional fine by post to the remains of the registered address too.

We are in the experimental phase and Mr Enge Neer is currently testing the system in North Korea with minimal success thanks to the US government, however, he plans to move his testing to Iran very soon where we think we will see less government intervention.

The first place to see the Trident enforced speed trap will be St Giles on the Heath followed by Chillsworthy and Bradworthy.



Updated: July 2, 2017 — 6:28 pm
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