News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Holsworthy Mafia … 2016 Initiation Ceremony …

Holsworthy Mafia are pleased to announce that the 2016 super secret initiation ceremony, will take place on February 30th 2016.

The top secret event will take place at Frankie “little knees” Denoseo’s place.  A full buffet will be provided; though Frankie ask’s that any dietary requirements are submitted to him directly before hand.  Frankie has promised to cater for all dietary needs, and WILL be providing  Vegetarian, Vegan, Diabetic and Gluten/Dairy free meals ( top bloke Frankie …. ed )

For the information of the initiates, the TOP secret ceremony includes 5 Acts, that ALL initiates must adhere too !  Non compliance will result in a pretty stern telling off from Jimmy “six fingers” Jameson.

The 5 Acts are as follows :-


i)  All initiates must recite our Mafia motto :-  “Family is Family, apart from when it’s not”, in both Icelandic AND Devonian.


ii) All initiates must bake A Victoria sponge from scratch ( though please take into consideration fellow members dietary needs ).


iii) The initiates will have the names of all Holsworthy Mafia (secret) members, tattooed on their back for security purposes.


iv) Initiates will be introduced to “Bernard” our Mafia mascot.  “Bernard” is a Dutch mountain goat ( top bloke Bernard  …..  ed ), and is much beloved by our members.  Upon introduction to “Bernard” initiates will present their left testicle to him ( in the case of women a left breast is acceptable, we are after all an equal opportunities employer ).  “Bernard” will then proceed to lick the initiates testicle. This will last until “Bernard” is certain of the initiates loyalty to the Holsworthy Mafia. In the event of an un-licked testicle the initiate will be immediately withdrawn from the ceremony.


v) The final and most important act the initiates must undertake is potentially very dangerous, so a health and safety questionnaire will need to be filled out by the initiates before hand.  Upon completion of the questionnaire,  the initiates will be required to take part in a Drive-by “Egging” of the Co-Op.


When all 5 acts have been completed the initiates will become  “Maid Men” and will be welcomed into the top, super secret Holsworthy Mafia.


We look forward to seeing you all there.  And do remember +1’s are always welcome.




Pete “5 toes ” Griffin.



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Updated: January 14, 2016 — 3:36 pm
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