News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Holsworthy Church to become alien communication centre

aliensThe Holsworthy Church is to become an alien space centre for Holsworthy. Holsworthy has been the number one target for ETs from space due to our population and the fact almost everyone here is happy to get an anal probe.

The aliens believe having a space centre in the church of Holsworthy makes for a discrete hiding place. The centre will house a ship, some Fusion Warheads and some space muskets. It will also be where the aliens can refuel their warp drive.

An alien space ship captain had this to say:

Our ships use the latest eco technology, we get better LYPG (Light years per gallon) than a Toyota Prius and our ships are also very silent so we won’t be disturbing the house parties or fireworks on North Road.

Any complaints would also be dealt with professionally. We welcome feedback to our space centre too.

The aliens plan to move into the Holsworthy Church very soon with their prompt record from other move ins, they should be with us for 2017. The aliens are offering to bring many bonuses to the town, this includes flowers, a really cool cycle path linking Holsworthy to Bude and a new light fitting and florescent tubes for McColls News Agents.

The aliens will also be looking for staff to man their space centre in the Holsworthy Town Church and would like them to start on the construction immediately.  Applicants should apply by asking the church people in Holsworthy for a Space Probe Centre application form.

The aliens also want to make it clear that an agreement has been made between them  and the church goers. This includes free electricity, free internet & all water rates are also paid for. Everyone wins.

The space centre in the Church should be open by 2017 and a warming party will be included and everyone in the town is invited.

 

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Updated: August 27, 2016 — 9:44 am
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