News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

HTC agrees to spend 39 Billion dollars on Xmas lights

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The Holsworthy mafia can exclusively reveal that Holsworthy town council have voted to spend 39 Billion dollars on hiring Christmas lights. The controversial move saw the contract awarded to Holsworthys very own bargain buys, a shop that is renowned for quality and exciting prices. We at the Holsworthy mafia spoke to the CEO of Bargain  Buys Phil Mcgroyn to see what he had to say.

“Well, to say I was blown away is an understatement. However I can confirm that they will receive 2500 packs of indoor tree lights, 20 inflatable light up Santa’s,¬† 600 flashing LED strips and 2 bags of tinsel. We have already contacted our suppliers in China and they have said they hope to have our order delivered to us sometime near the end of January. In gratitude for placing such an order our suppliers have also agreed to send some samples of bat soup, an exciting new recipe their foods division have been working on”

However, not all citizens were happy with the multi billion dollar deal, especially after a controversial poll revealed that literally no one in the town wanted them. This has led one commentator to describe Holsworthy as being in a defacto state of civil war. Pro and anti lighters have been having running skirmishes in the town square during the hours of 5pm to 8pm, though the new social distancing rules have meant that this only involves whispering muffled insults at each from the safety of 2m (people respected the government guidance on not shouting. They were also wearing masks).

How this dilemma will end no body knows, though both sides agreed that it was 2020, so a super volcano will most likely explode and rain down molten lava on everyone before they have the chance to resolve it.

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Updated: October 13, 2020 — 9:18 am
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