News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Something about ‘Bashing and sucking’



A blatant example of the patriarchy gone mad was found this evening in a common household electricals store in Devon. Ms B Basher of Bideford was browsing the store (accompanied by her bored husband and unruly children, who were trying to pull the iPads from their security tags) was outraged when she found the Henry and Hetty vacuums were similarly priced to the much debated ‘gender pay gap’. Ms Basher commented “I thought it was bad enough that a ‘man’ held the door open for me so I could enter the store more easily due and get out of the rain, so when I saw this I was simply horrified”. She complained to a store worker who, she said, just didn’t understand the importance of how demonstrating ‘male privilege’ in electrical goods was damaging to feminism. “It’s not Hetty’s fault she’s pink but it should not detract from her ability to do the job as well as, if not better than, Henry. It’s appalling” she added. We asked some random passers by what they thought and we were met with comments such as “maybe she is a cheap tart” and “isn’t there a joke about sucking in there?” at which Ms Basher rolled her falsely eyelashed eyes and said “typical men, I’m surprised they’re not wolf whistling at every Hetty hoover they see.” The men simply commented that they don’t see any Hoovers because that’s women’s work. We won’t update you with any more details on this story because Ms Basher is off on a hen night in Cardiff to objectify men.


Lady C. Disclaimer: Lady C does not personally know any of the people mentioned in this report, nor any associated persons. In fact you definitely don’t know Lady C, because she’s careful like that.



Updated: October 25, 2019 — 8:19 pm
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