News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

South west Highways relent and return open air swimming pool.



It is a battle as old as time. An ongoing struggle between the forces of Darkness and the forces of light.  The main battleground for this titanic struggle has always been the gentle market town of Holsworthy. The protagonists involved in this battle for the ages have been going at each other for millenia. Fighting on the side of Darkness you have those evil incompetent bastards ‘South west Highways’, and fighting on the side of light you have the residents of Holsworthy.


The conflict has stemmed from the residents of Holsworthy wanting their open air swimming pool to not be situated in the middle of a busy main road. The residents of Holsworthy argue that having a swimming pool in the middle of a main road is a major health and safety problem and actually quite dangerous for those adventures souls that use it. They also point out that the lack of changing rooms makes the solicitors of Peter, Peter and Wright very uncomfortable, when bathers change into their swimming costumes on the pavement outside their workplace. However the incompetent morons from South west Highways have another point of view.   They argue that the swimming pool or ‘puddle’ as they call it has always been there and that it would infact mean that they had to do their fucking job and sort it properly.  They have categorically stated on many occasions that they are too fucking incompetent to do their job properly and as such the puddle will stay. They have also vowed that if they are forced to come back and try and fix it for a 6th time in as many months, that they will turn the whole of fore street into a water sports park. Where the residents will be able to get down and dirty and indulge in all the water play they like.


Well in a twist that no one saw coming, some residents of Holsworthy staged a counter attack last week. In a massive blow to those absolute muppets at South west Highways, some people from Holsworthy dressed up as South west highways workers, stole some vehicles and actually FIXED the problem. Overnight the Famous open air swimming pool of Holsworthy disappeared. Locals in and around Holsworthy quickly celebrated this victory and then settled back in to normal life, happy that they would never see that bloody puddle again.



As sure as night follows day South west highways were not going to let this act of aggression from the townsfolk of Holsworthy stand.  Two nights ago they mounted a sneak attack. To start with they placed signs weeks in advance announcing their plans. This was done in the hopes of confusing the townsfolk ( it worked in the case of one gentleman, Tim Bumblebee we are looking at you). They then decided to keep the whole of fore street awake whilst they fucked the drains up yet again, showing everyone just how truly fucking useless they are. However, their cunning plan worked, because low and behold the puddle is BACK. Yes you read that right. The bloody Peter, Peter and Wright puddle is BACK.


One sodding week. All we got was one sodding week. We had one week where the drains did their job, before the boys in yellow came back and fucked it all up!!!


The Holsworthy Mafia reached out to South west Highways for a statement, however the feckless wankers were unable to comment as they were at a conference titled ‘How to identify a pot hole, and how not to fix it’



So there you have it folks, Holsworthys very own open air swimming pool is back.



The Holsworthy Mafia will not be updating this article as we have lost the will to live.





Updated: March 18, 2019 — 10:08 am
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