News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

The Holsworthy Mafia guide to slagging a local business off, on Facebook.



We have all been there. We have all been to a beloved local institution and had a less than ideal experience. It happens every now and again, and most normal people deal with it in a grown up way. This usually results in both sides coming to some kind of compromise that satisfies both parties. However we now live in the age of social media where every mangina with an iPhone can share his or her opinion with the click of a button.


Well we here at the Holsworthy Mafia have decided to put together a handy guide to show how you to, can ruin someone’s business with an angry facebook tirade, all because you haven’t got the man marbles to act like an adult.


  1. Share, share, share. This is the important one. Make sure you let everybody know that your really angry, by sharing to facebook, twitter, Instagram and even myspace. This way people who you don’t know can tell you stuff you don’t want to hear. It also has the added bonus of making you look like a massive child who doesn’t know how to properly interact with society.
  2.  Pictures. Make sure you take plenty of pictures on your ipotatoe. These pictures will not provide the whole story, but they will make you feel like you have validated your claim. Screw context, you managed to take a blurry photo.
  3.  Don’t get the other side of the story.  Make sure when you have your social media strop that you never EVER get both sides to the story. Doing this will only ensure that some people will actually disagree with you. It may also lead to the truth coming out, which just confuses everybody nowadays.
  4.  Get Defensive. When 90% of the local population disagree with your point of view DO makes sure you get defensive, AND swear a lot. Nothing makes people come around to your way of thinking quicker than you insulting them. If someone points out that they had a completely different experience to you, the only appropriate response is to call them a wanker. This way they know that you are really REALLY upset about this whole situation.
  5.  Do delete your post. When it turns out that the people you thought would agree with you actually don’t, delete your post. When it turns out that people actually care about the community they live in, and the local businesses that serve it, then definitely delete your post. This way you ensure that YOU are all everybody is talking about, and not the issue you raised.
  6.  Do make sure that you let everybody know that you wont be returning. Because the business you are slating is definitely going to miss the £6.52p you spend every 7 weeks.  All it does is make the people who shop there on a regular basis, shop there even more. Because nobody likes people slagging of the things we care about.


So there you have it. The Holsworthy Mafia guide to potentially ruining a local business, that provides jobs for, and serves the local community. All because you don’t know how to put your big boy pants on, and act like a grown up.

Also, please do remember that all those Likes, comments, and shares you got on your stroppy little strop out on social media, equate to exactly f**k all in the real world.


The Holsworthy Mafia will not be updating this article because Hermes have lost our parcel again. Bloody Hermes !!!



Updated: February 19, 2019 — 8:49 pm
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