News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Local landlord gives up life as a publican to become a full time ‘Ali G’ impersonator.

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The Holsworthy Mafia are always on the lookout for the next big news story. That story that lesser known news outlets like Devon live over look, or deem to ‘hot’ a subject to handle. Well, in what can only be described as a major scoop, we can exclusively reveal some important breaking news.


Holsworthy is home to some interesting characters. To name just a few, we have ‘Crocodile hat lady’, Sean ‘i love communism’ Crumblehulme, the two idiots who wear masks, and our supreme leader ‘Darth Lord Hutchings’.


Well this golden nugget of news concerns our Supreme leader. To many our supreme leader ‘Darth Lord Hutchings’ is the owner and landlord of the White Hart pub. A pub where you can gets a nice pint and tasty meal. However, what many people don’t know is that the owner of this fine establishment has of late become bored with running his own pub. For many years Jon Hutchings has harboured dreams of becoming a full time celebrity impersonator.  After a long day serving Doom bar to his regulars, Jon very often crawls into bed, and dreams of the day when he can earn a living by dressing up like his TV heroes.


Well that day has come !


After taking a short holiday abroad to the playboy paradise of Tenerife, Jon has come back invigorated and decided to follow his ambitions.  Starting yesterday the 28th of January 2019, Jon has shed his old identity. From now on, he will no longer be known as Supreme leader ‘Darth Lord Hutchings’, instead he will now be known as ‘Jonny H’, and will be conducting his life as a full time Ali G impersonator.


Upon hearing this exciting news the Holsworthy Mafia asked for an interview.  Jonny H replied by saying “Booyakasha”, which we took to mean yes.


HM: “So Jonny H, why did you choose to impersonate Ali G ?”


JH: ” Well Bruvs, I is representing the west-countryside massive innit”


HM: “Are you going to stay on as Mayor?”


JH: “Why are you asking me that? Is it because I is black?”


HM: “We hear that you swam with dolphins on Holiday, what was that like?”


JH: “I don’t know if you know this, but dolphins ain’t fish. They is like us, they is mammaries”


HM: “You serve a nice lasagne at the pub, with a beautiful tomato sauce. Is this going to continue now you are a full time Ali-G impersonator?”


JH: “Well, you say tomato, i say potato”


HM: “What brought about this change in your work life?”


JH: “Me want to work when me want to work. Most of the time me want to just chill or whatever, or just hang with me beetches”


HM: “Is there any important message you would like to get across as your persona ‘Jonny H’ ?”


JH: “Sex. You has probably heard the word out there. And some of you probably know what it means. For those of you who don’t, it means boning. But with boning comes responsi-lib-ity”


HM: “So people should take more responsibility?”


JH: “Yes fam. Respek”


HM: ” Well i think we are going to leave the interview there. Is there any last words you would like to say to the 2 people who will read this?”


JH: ” Booyakasha, i is out bruv. Remember always respek and protect the punani”


To clarify a few things, the holsworthy mafia also reached out to ‘Queen Tammitha of house Hutchings’ to get her take on the situation. However she refused to answer any questions unless we now addressed her as ‘Me Julie’.


Here is a photo of Jonny H in his full Ali-G outfit.

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The Holsworthy Mafia will not be updating this article as we are in a ‘beef’ with the East Staines massive over a mini roundabout.




Updated: January 29, 2019 — 11:56 pm
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