News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Chris Martin and Coldplay are ultimately to blame for Brexit.

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We here at the Holsworthy mafia very often get asked “What do we think about Brexit?”  Well if we are honest we did have a moan about it for a couple days. However we soon realised that we were grown ass adults who put our trousers on the right way in the morning, and that whatever happens we will deal with it like normal, regular people.


This has been our viewpoint for the last 2 years, and it is a viewpoint we have (kinda) stuck to. Though this all changed yesterday when one of our favourite ‘Banta’ sites got spammed with Brexit nonsense. This barrage of bollocks prompted us to take a greater look at who is really to blame for Brexit. Sufficed to say we were somewhat blown away by the results.


Lets start at the beginning.


This is David Cameron.

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David Cameron famously announced that a referendum on membership of the EU would take place on the 23rd of June 2016. He did this because he is a whiney little bitch boy, and was worried his party was going to be overrun by ‘kippers’. He also likes to fuck deceased Pigs.


This leads us to the next clue in the hunt for the true cause of Brexit.



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Pigs are Intelligent creatures that make great films. They are also very often used as replacement cadavers in the hit CBS tv show ‘CSI’, and taste great when cooked. They also have an instinctual behaviour know as ‘Rooting’.


Our next nugget in the search for the truth, can be found when we examine the word ‘Rooting’



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‘Rooting’ or to ‘Root’ is also a slang term used by our antipodean friends for Sexual intercourse. Something our Aussie cousins have a fondness for. One person who famously paid a paparazzi to photograph herself ‘Rooting’ with a married man, was human dumpster fire ‘Katie Hopkins’.


Taking a look at Katie Hopkins we can follow the trail to our goal, one step closer (or cause internal haemorrhaging).


Katie Hopkins.

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Katie Hopkins is famous for absolutely nothing of importance. She is however a massive thundercunt that comes from Devon.



If we examine Devon, we are closer to understanding the cause of all this Brexit malarkey.



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Devon is the greatest place on the planet, and has been home to many truly famous people. These people include:-  Agatha Christie, Matt Bellamy, Damien Hirst and Chris Martin of Coldplay.


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And there we have it folks. The true cause of all the bollocks we have been hearing about for the last 2 years is Chris martin and his bandmates in Coldplay.

All the bleating on by snowflakes and Gammons alike can be attributed to the most famous dad band of them all. COLDPLAY.  Without these purveyors of beige, we wouldn’t have to listen to people who would never say ‘boo to a goose’ in real life, argue with randoms on the internet. Without Coldplay and their particular brand of elevator music we wouldn’t have to put up with every media source EVER filling our inboxes with shite that makes us want to rip our own livers out through our eye sockets. Without fucking Coldplay there would be no Brexit.







The Holsworthy mafia will not be updating this article, because my son has at last relinquished rights to the TV, and I can finally stop writing this bullshit and watch the last 2 episodes of Narcos.





Updated: January 3, 2019 — 3:36 pm
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