News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Mayor of Bude accused of wildlife smuggling.

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The Holsworthy mafia can exclusively reveal that David Hasslehoff impersonator and Mayor of Bude Bob Willingham, is being investigated for crimes against wildlife and fashion. What is worse, is that he committed these heinous crimes on the baby Jesus’s birthday.

 

Word has reached us that on Christmas day Bude’s esteemed mayor took part in Bude’s annual bath down at Crooklets beach.  The yearly dip in the sea takes place every year on Christmas day and thousands of people take part. In the process they raised £12,000.

Well this year the Mayor used the occasion to stage a brazen attempt to smuggle a rare Melopsittacus undulates bird ( or Budgie to me and you). He attempted to smuggle this budgie whilst all the other participants were freezing their ‘bits’ off in the sea. He was so brazen that he even stopped to have his picture taken with the old lady from Disneys animated classic ‘Up’.

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Thanks to the hard work of Bude’s community policing team, the Mayors master plan was foiled.

The Holsworthy Mafia spoke to Bude’s PCSO ‘David Shlong’, to get an update on the situation. He had this to say :-

  ” We were first alerted to this crime against wildlife when someone called 101 to say that there was a person looking like a cross between a 90’s hip hop artist and an actor from the TV show ‘Baywatch’, wondering around in public. Being such an odd combination we immediately got on the case. Low and behold we found a semi naked man strolling around Crooklets beach wearing a big gold chain and quite obviously trying to smuggle a budgie. Obviously smuggling wildlife is a serious crime, so we promptly apprehended him. After a thorough search, it was confirmed that he was indeed smuggling a budgie. We promptly had a stern word with him, where he reminded us that he was infact Mayor, and that we should maybe concentrate on actual crimes. He was allowed to go on his way”

 

The Holsworthy Mafia tried reaching out to the Mayor, but he was last seen attempting to smuggle budgies again, and this time he was seen running in slow motion down Summerleaze beach. As such, he was unavailable for comment.

 

 

The Holsworthy Mafia would just like to remind people that smuggling budgies is a crime against fashion.

 

 

 

 

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Updated: January 2, 2019 — 6:07 pm
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