News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

New owner of the Green flats finally revealed !!!

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The Green flats in Holsworthy are universally recognised the world over, as a place of peace and hope. They are a place so significant that the Dalai Lama once described them as “The only place in Holsworthy that I would meditate”. Pilgrims from all over the world have come to Holsworthy just to catch a glimpse of the Utopian paradise that is the Green flats. Even the United nations once asked to locate their new headquarters there, unfortunately it turns out that the secretary general of the united nations prefers jam on first. So Holsworthy town council told them to fuck off.


Well a few months ago our local police force become so annoyed with all the charitable good works that were going on in these monuments to Love and harmony, that they sent in a fully armed swat team and forcefully evicted all the peace loving hippies that called the Green flats home. A Judge then promptly slapped a 3 month exclusion order on the flats. This prevented the residents returning and carrying on feeding the homeless and caring for sick animals.


Since their closure speculation has been building like a teenager in a whore house, as to who would take over the Green Flats when they where finally allowed to be inhabited again. Well the Holsworthy mafia can exclusively reveal that they have been looked at by none other than Tom tj Davis. A man once described by Leonardo de vinci, as the greatest painter and decorator that Holsworthy has ever seen. Tom had been seen often coming out of the Green flats, carrying multiple bags of doritos and mumbling something about “little fluffy clouds”. Well he has now proven his love of the Green, by giving some serious thought to looking at the possibility of maybe, thinking about buying the Green flats. This news has sent some mildly, gentle ripples through Holsworthys political elite.


The Holsworthy Mafia caught up with Tom at last nights carnival and asked him his thoughts on the situation. He had this to say:-

” Beers goooooood, ….. Mmmmmusic very loud, init mate”

That was all the sense we could get out of the very sober Tom. When we left him, he had just ordered a whole round for the entire pub, and was doing his best ‘Chippendale’ impression on top of the bar in the White hart. With the lack of comment from Tom we found out some interesting facts about him instead.

This is what we found out :-

  1. In 2008 he came 4th in a Michael Mcintyre look alike competition.
  2. His favourite film is “Priscilla queen of the Desert”. A film he says inspired him to start Holsworthys first ‘Drag’ night.
  3. One of the things he finds most enjoyable in life is buying drinks for all his workers whenever they all go to the pub.
  4. His favourite hobby is painting lavatories in secluded cottages. He calls this unique hobby ‘Cottaging’

The Holsworthy Mafia also reached out to our new Supreme Leader ‘Darth lord Hutchings’ to get his take on the situation. Unfortunately our Mayor is currently involved in a hip hop ‘beef’ with another Holsworthy based rapper and was unavailable for comment. He did send word however that he would address the whole situation in an upcoming ‘Diss’ track entitled “What the fuck are you talking about?”.


The Holsworthy mafia will not be updating this article as we are still hungover from the absolutely awesome carnival last night.


Here is a pic of someone (Maybe Tom) looking at the green flats.

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Updated: November 18, 2018 — 5:38 pm
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