News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

3 Members of a Facebook ‘Banter’ page accidently come up with perfect Brexit strategy.

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Brexit……  You can’t go a second without hearing about the steaming pile of monkey spunk. If it’s not ‘Dave from 2 doors down moaning about those ‘snowflake’ remainer shitbirds, it’s Sharon from No.24 harping on about those ‘gammon’ brexiteer wankers.

Well the other 90% of the population (or grown ass adults as they used to be known) have decided enough is enough. The people who put their trousers on the correct way in the morning, have decided to step in an sort out Brexit once and for all.


How did this happen, you may ask?


Well this miraculous turn of events was set in motion on a FB page called ‘Bude Banter’. This facebook page is centred on the town of Bude, in the county of Devon, and is normally a place for ‘memes’ and arguments about Vegan graffiti and curry pot lids. However tonight, 3 users of this humble FB page had a revelation so significant that the whole of the UK political landscape has shifted.

3 Members known only by their FB tags of ‘Katie, Jenna and Bob’ were merrily chatting away when ‘Katie’ suggested that instead of dealing with Brexit we should all go get a Chinese take out from the world renowned Chinese takeaway ‘Chungs’. This proposal was quickly followed up by ‘Bob’. ‘Bob suggested that we might all like to go to the pub instead of dealing with Brexit. Once ‘Bob’ had, had this amazing breakthrough, ‘Jenna’ added the ‘piece de resistance’, when she chimed in with the suggestion that chocolate pudding should also be involved in the revolutionary Brexit plan.


It was soon decided that this was the only logical plan that could work for everyone. The order was rearranged a little bit and the final draft was agreed upon. It was determined that we should all go to the pub, followed by takeaway, and then top everything off with chocolate pudding.  No one objected on the ‘Banter’ page, so it was put to the public.



Within a few short minutes, the entire population of the United Kingdom had all voted in a second referendum (now dubbed the pissheads vote) and had all agreed that this was the best Brexit plan that had been put forward so far. Before the hour was out this new Brexit plan was being rolled out across the entire country, much to the delight of ‘Adults’, beer lovers and Asian cuisine aficionados everywhere. Lovers of the Chocolate pudding said that they were going to eat their chocolaty goodness no matter what, so were happy to go along with the plan.


The Holsworthy Mafia reached out to ‘Bob, Katie and Jenna’ (Or the ‘Mustgetbeer’ political party as no one is calling them now) for comment.  Unfortunately when the Holsworthy mafia tracked them down they were in the local boozer. We attempted to make contact, but were unable too, as they were all pissed out of their gourds dancing the ‘Conga’ around a beer stained pool table.


The Holsworthy Mafia also tried getting a word or two from the Prime minister ‘Theresa May’. However she was too busy consuming the blood of the disabled and homeless war vets, to be able to comment. Her spokesman did however say that ‘Theresa’ really hasn’t got a fucking clue what is going on, as no one has updated her sub-routine.


The Holsworthy Mafia will not be updating this story as we are of to the boozer to join the ‘Conga’ line.



Updated: November 14, 2018 — 10:40 pm
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