News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Vandals start destroying local road.








The Holsworthy mafia can exclusively reveal that Vandals have started destroying Fore street in Holsworthy. Our inept reporter ‘peter’ was going for a kebab at KJ’s, when he caught these despicable criminals in the act.


In a brazen act of vandalism not seen since the whole bus shelter graffiti debacle, several men are currently in the process of removing some of the road surface from Holsworthys 3rd most important street.


However these would be crime bosses have not thought things through. None of the members of this organization are wearing the standard criminal outfit of ‘all black and a balaclava’. No, to carry out this daring raid, they are all wearing bright orange clothes and bright white hard helmets (not exactly the Kray brothers are they).


The Holsworthy mafia spoke to one of these Criminal masterminds. He had this to say :- ” What the fuck are you doing lad?  We are here resurfacing the road for southwest highways. Please fuck off and let us do our job”.


One local (who asked to be named) said that he was sure that he had seen this exact same gang of nefarious ‘dodgy types’  stealing and then replacing tarmac on the A39 just outside Bideford.


Another local said that he had seen signs indicating that the road was going to be closed for the night, but that he was actually shocked to learn that the road closure was so a ‘gang’ could improve the state of Holsworthys roads. Something, he said normally happens during rush hour.


Well we here at the Holsworthy Mafia have never heard such a blatant lie, and will be informing the police as soon as we can be arsed.


The Holsworthy Mafia reached out to the owner of Holsworthy ‘Sir Alf Blackman’ but he was unavailable for comment.


We will update you in the morning when the full extent of their criminal misdeeds can be exposed in the daylight.



Updated: October 8, 2018 — 10:04 pm
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