News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Mayor of Holsworthy ‘John of Hutchings’ Imprisoned for the Greater Good.

johnny boy




After recently being demoted from ‘Saint’ to plain old regular ‘John’. Holsworthy mayor ‘John of Hutchings’ was today imprisoned for the greater good. ….. The Greater good.


Today after helping other local volunteers set up fencing for Saturdays FREE upcoming WW1 remembrance event, Holsworthy mayor and part time professional Squirrel tamer ‘John of Hutchings’ comitted the heinous, and quite frankly unforgivable crime of smoking a cigarette in a public place.  At approximately 8:29pm and 32 secs, John of Hutchings stopped for a short break after helping erect a giant enclosure for Saturdays festivities. Seeing an opportunity for blatant rule breaking, john of Hutchings quickly snuck off for a cheeky cigarette. Feeling as if he had earned it, he promptly lit up, sat down, and dreamed of the day he could bring his Squirrel taming show to the people of Holsworthy.


However several people who don’t exist were highly offended by a public servant smoking in public, and quickly complained to the appropriate authorities. Taking swift action the ‘Elders’ of Holsworthy immediately decided that the only suitable punishment for such a crime was to imprison him until Monday.  Luckily a security fence had just been erected around the park. Never ones to miss an opportunity, the ‘Elders’ decided to test the effectiveness of the fence, and without hesitation, imprisoned John of Hutchings inside the newly erected barrier.


The Holsworthy mafia understand that regular checks will be made on him every 32hrs, and that the ‘Elders’ have left him 2 bales of hay and a bucket of water for sustenance during his incarceration.


We at the Holsworthy Mafia spoke to Inmate no. 63253432727265 or Johnny ‘H’, as he is now known in the joint. He had this to say:-

 ” I was minding everybody’s business, helping Holsworthy get ready for Saturdays event. An event that by the way, will include, FREE entry, Exhibition Marquee, WW1 Bi-plane, Competitions, Space dome, Silent Disco, Free kids Fairground, Company B, The Hummingbirds Trio and so much more, Make, Bake and create, Fireworks, Food vendors and lots more free entertainment.  people can also bring their own picnics. …… When the ‘Elders’ grabbed me and threw me in here. I will be appealing this imprisonment on Monday October the 1st…. Now please leave me alone as I have a Shiv to make”.


The Holsworthy Mafia reached out to the ‘Elders’ for comment, but they were all at a pub called the ‘White Hart’ getting pissed.



Below is a picture of inmate no.9873536738880779 trying to persuade some passer by to release him. ….. It didn’t work.






Updated: September 25, 2018 — 7:39 pm
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