News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Bed wetting Coward ruins filming of ‘Fast and furious 9’.

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Holsworthy is internationally recognized as the town that lives it’s life a “quarter acre at a time”. Famed for it’s love of fast tractors and even faster women, Holsworthy finally drew the attention of Hollywood big wigs.  After months of negotiations between Holsworthy town council and Universal studios, a location in Holsworthy town was finally settled upon for the filming of the latest Fast and furious film.


Unfortunately before filming could start, some twat in a Toyota celica decided to start rehearsing for his role late on Monday night. In one of the biggest Dick moves Holsworthy has seen this week, some bed wetting fuck toy, decided that he would smash into three stationary cars parked on station road. In an all to frequent occurrence, he then drove of without leaving a note or contacting the police.


Residents who were expecting to wake up to Vin Diesel and Dwayne ‘the rock’ Johnson on their doorsteps, were instead greeted with the site of three banged up cars, on the private road that is station road.


Taking to social media the residents shared their outrage that people could still be such pricks in this day and age. This was met with much support and the as expected story trawling from Devonlive. However Holsworthy being holsworthy, some people moaned about yellow lines, rather than the fact that someone didn’t have the balls to own up to their mistake.


It is understood that filming of ‘Fast and furious 9’, titled “Go fast or go Janner” will now be put on hold. The Holsworthy Mafia spoke to the head of ‘Goat Love productions’ ( the company in charge of filming), Joel Cooper. He had this to say :-

“Unfortunately we have had to put filming of this latest film in the franchise on hold. We got the news this morning after I trawled through stories on local facebook pages. We are now looking at moving production to Bridgerule”

The Holsworthy Mafia did ask for further comment but Joel was too busy. As he was of looking for other Facebook stories to regurgitate.


The Holsworthy Mafia would encourage anyone with any info to get hold of the Rozzers at quoting log number 28 for the 25 of September.


If the owner of the Toyota celica is reading this, we at the mafia would ask that he (or she) consider this:  What would Dwayne ‘the rock’ Johnson do in this situation?








Updated: September 25, 2018 — 11:40 am
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