News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

The Peter, Peter & Wright puddle to add shower area for passing pedestrians.



When it rains in Holsworthy the local residents have only one thing on their minds. There is one question above all others that they ask themselves when they wake up and see that it’s pissing down.


“Do I walk up fore street and cross at the lights, and risk being drowned by a passing motorist? .. or do I stay home and laugh at people out in the rain? ”


This completely unimportant question has been asked by pedestrians since the founding of Holsworthy in 1993. Well now thanks to our local town council, the question has been answered.


The Town council decided to take action on this matter after local resident “Mary Killbox” had her hand knitted leggings ruined by a passing motorist as she waited to cross the road. She promptly complained to town mayor and internationally recognised Rowan Atkinson impersonator,  ‘John of Hutchings’. Who called an urgent town council meeting to discuss this pressing situation.


The town council called an emergency session and debated the subject for 36hrs solid. After what seemed like an eternity they finally decided that the best way to deal with situation was to make the puddle, a multi purpose puddle. The town council surmised that if people were getting soaked as they walked past the puddle, they may as well make some positive use of it. Calls were quickly made, and Sir Alf Blackman was brought in and asked to install a shower stall next to the traffic lights. This way if pedestrians do get soaked by passing cars they can incorporate it into their daily hygiene ritual.


Sir Alf is set to start work sometime in 2020 on Holsworthys new outdoor shower area. He has said there will be a hand rail, a place to hang clothes, a selection of soaps on rope and a shower curtain to protect peoples modesty. He also added that the shower curtain could be used by people to stop them getting splashed by cars in the first place. He carried on by saying, that if that were the case, then the shower stall could  just be used as a place for naturists to go get their freak on.


The Holsworthy Mafia spoke to ‘Mary Killbox’ who raised the initial concern. She had this to say :-  ” My husband had just knitted my leggings when I decided to go for a stroll down Fore street. Before I knew it some inconsiderate bastard had flown past in his suped up Vauxhall Meriva and got me dripping wet. I was so wet that I ruined my leggings. My husband was not impressed when I got home”


The Holsworthy Mafia also spoke to notorious boy racer ‘Jonesy Punto’ who asked not to be named. He had this to say :- ” I always drive in accordance with the rules of the road. If people wish to shower by the side of the road, then I am happy to help out”


The Holsworthy mafia did make contact with Peter, Peter & Wright, but they pointed out that they were a serious business and  dealt in serious matters, and please could we stop involving them in such trivial stories. They did add however, that they would be introducing mandatory training for all staff so they knew how to use the new shower area safely.


The Holsworthy Mafia will not be updating this article because it is raining, and we’re boring bastards who like to stay indoors.

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Updated: September 22, 2018 — 3:30 pm
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