News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Green Flats to become Charity shop selling only seconhand hairdressers.



In a Holsworthy mafia exclusive we can finally reveal what is to become of the notorious green flats.


The green flats in Holsworthy have something of a reputation as a place of peace, love and random acts of kindness. They operated this way for many years, spreading their unique brand of happiness throughout Holsworthy. Unfortunately the good folks of our beloved town got somewhat fed up with the constant charitable acts that came from the Green flats. These acts of goodwill included attempted murder, arson, GBH and the selling of shitty brick weed.


Well after putting up with this for nearly 4 years the final straw came when one resident of the green flats released a white dove to celebrate world peace day, and it promptly went and shit on a local councillors Citroen saxo.


Acting swiftly, the town council in conjunction with other local agencies quickly ASBO’d the whole of the green flats to prevent such kindness spreading. A 3 month closure order was granted, and a S.W.A.T team was sent in to remove the tenants. It is believed that the police force kept any extra ‘White Doves’ they found, stating that they may come in useful at the upcoming annual Policemans rave


Well now the 3 month closure order is nearly up, and local residents are asking what is gonna happen to the ‘Green flats’.


In a move that has surprised absolutely no one, it has been announced that the Green flats will now become a Charity shop.


Holsworthy town council thought long and hard about the situation, and after looking at it from all angles they realised that Holsworthy suffered from a lack of charity shops.

Though, to make this new venture stand out from the crowd the council decided that they would make it the worlds first charity shop exclusively selling second hand hairdressers (another trade that the council felt Holsworthy didn’t have enough of). The Town council assure us that as much as 4 minutes of thought was put into this decision, and that they really didn’t want the Green Flats to turn back into the peace loving utopia, that it once was.


We have no news yet on what second hand hairdressers they will be selling, but we have been assured that there will be a good selection on offer. The new management have also told us that if we know anyone with any secondhand hairdressers in their attics or garden sheds that they no longer want, then people can drop them of outside of the green flats before 6.45am.


The Holsworthy mafia understand that this new venture is to be called ‘Charity Reaches all Current Kutz’ or C.R.A.C.K for short, and that it is to be opened by none other than ‘Nicky Clarke’ a world famous, second hand hairdresser.


The Holsworthy Mafia reached out to absolutely no one for comment, and they had this to say:-

 ” I initially said that they should burn them to the ground, but now I have heard it is going to be a charity shop I couldn’t be happier. People say Amazon and Ebay are killing the high street, but I say the high street will survive as long as we have charity shops and hairdressers, and especially if we combine the two”




Updated: September 17, 2018 — 7:20 pm
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