News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Man gives up and becomes a Hermit after failing to master the art of folding a fitted bed sheet.


The Holsworthy Mafia can exclusively reveal that one of its members have given up on the modern world and decided to move to Black Torrington and become an actual Hermit.


What prompted this upheaval in his life was his failure to understand how to fold and store a new and technologically advanced form of bed covering, known as the ‘Fitted sheet’ or ‘mother fecking bastard thing’ for short. Folding this mattress protector has baffled men since its inception and today it drove one of our members to bin off all modern life. Designed in the ninth level of hell by women just to drive the opposite sex insane, these cotton sheets of pure evil have proven themselves totally unfoldable and completely pointless in our members hands.


After spending a whole £1.99p in the Factory shop on the luxurious fitted sheet, the Holsworthy mafia member was feeling quite chuffed with himself and quickly fitted it to his deluxe waterbed. The problems arose later however, when he washed the sheet and tried to fold it before placing it in his airing cupboard.


With no preparation what so ever he attacked the task with much enthusiasm. This enthusiasm quickly disappeared though when he realized that folding a fitted sheet was actually an impossible task invented by MI5 to vet potential recruits. After 45hrs of effort our mafia member finally gave up trying to fold the puzzling sheet when he found himself cocooned inside it like Tom cruise in a closet . Even after watching videos of smug people folding these sheets of devils cloth on youtube, he still failed to master the dark art.


Speaking to the ‘Don’ our Holsworthy Mafia member had this to say:- ” Fuck it. It is truly impossible to fold these bastard things. I give up”. He followed up on this by saying ” I am giving away all my worldly possessions and i’m now going to move to Black Torrington and live on a diet of magic mushrooms and rain water whilst talking with the river folk that live that way”


Well the Holsworthy Mafia wish Peter well and have gifted him A handy tool as a going away present  … Fitted sheet folding wand  :)

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Updated: August 26, 2018 — 7:52 pm
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