The apocalypse is finally happening!!!
After the false alarm earlier in the year when we thought Dave Millman had brought about the end of the world by taking a day of work, we can now exclusively reveal that the Apocalypse is finally on it’s way (maybe).
The signs to look out for were first told to the Holsworthy Mafia in 1549 AD by a French doctor called Nostradamus. At the time we didn’t take them seriously as we weren’t born. But now the fateful day he warned us about is actually upon us.
The 3 signs he told us to heed are:-
1) A reddish, rusty brown Full Moon will appear in the night sky and be hidden by clouds. (A blood moon will appear in the sky TONIGHT)
2)A Collection of VW Transporters will meet in a field to watch a 1970’s pop sensation known as ‘Leo’. This will be proceeded by everyone on the Facebook asking for ‘Leo’ tickets. ( A concert dedicated to Leo Sayer called Leopallooza is starting TONIGHT)
3)Food that is left as a wishful offering to the Gods of T.D.C will be left uncollected. This offering will then rot and produce a foul smell when continually exposed to the sun. (Bin bags have been stinking for weeks, but they will really start to get rank, TONIGHT)
These signs will start when the word ‘SLOTH’ appears !!!
As you can see the 3 signs that were foretold are all coming to pass today, Friday the 27th of July 2018 (mark this date in your diary cause we will all be talking about it for years to come). So grab your ration packs, porn downloads and bacon because the end of days really is here (possibly).
To survive this apocalypse the Holsworthy Mafia suggest you do absolutely fuck all, and just enjoy the ride.