Wow! As far as excitement levels go Holsworthy hasn’t seen anything like this since the Green flats got ASBO’d. Well now after no investigation whatsoever by the Holsworthy Mafia, we can finally bring you the exclusive details of what went down in our beloved town.
As was mentioned many, many, MANY times on social media in the last 24hrs, four Military helicopters were seen flying below ground level, over Holsworthy. We can now reveal that the multi million pound flying machines were called in by non other than our very own Holsworthy Town Council.
Yesterday Tea time, just after Spotlight had finished, the Town council called an emergency COBRA security meeting after a bunch of ‘fanny pack’ wearing, suspicious youths were seen entering the memorial hall car park. At the meeting and after absolutely no debate at all, the town council did not fuck around and immediately decided that the best course of action was to involve the Military. A phone call was placed straight away to the local Marine unit, who initially told the Town council to ‘sort that shit out yourselves’, but after a few stern words from our Mayor St John of Hutchings, military command relented and realised that they were dealing with Holsworthy Devon not Holsworthy Australia ( fuel is bloody expensive after all).
Quickly abandoning their scheduled training exercise, these crack troops set of in search of the aforementioned youths.
However, unfortunately for the people of Holsworthy, Halwill and Chillsworthy the pilots overshot our town by a factor of Braunton, Bideford and Barnstaple. The consequences of this ‘overshoot’ by these highly trained pilots were that the fanny pack wearing youths were allowed to roam free, resulting in the half arsed attempts at ‘Art’ we have seen this morning. The Weapons grade ‘fucknuggets’ who vandalised our town last night have been described by various ‘local’ people we didn’t speak to as:- “fucking idiots”.
The one silver lining here, is that the knuckle dragging ‘wank puffins’ were caught on CCTV in Holsworthy, and can now expect a call from their local Plod (if the police are not busy of chasing that Swan).
The Holsworthy Mafia would like to believe there are a couple lessons we can take away from this whole episode:-
A) The town council should never involve the Military when it comes to Graffiti.
B) If you are going to vandalise other peoples property in an attempt at Graffiti, it’s probably best that you have got at least primary school level skills in art.