News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Those strange folk across the river tamar have gone into absolute meltdown !!!

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To live in Bude there are only two requirements .. 1: Slip “Chungs” into a conversation at least 3 times a day, and 2: They must all have owned at least 1 VolksWagon Transporter in their lives.  With these 2 requirements filled they then settle into 1 of 3 tribes. Locals (3 generations or more), Incomers (lived there over 10 years and less than 60) and Emmets (less than 10 years).

Well it is these three tribes that have sent the town into a near apocalyptic panic. The perpetrator of this total meltdown? …. Those evil megalomaniacs, Subway sandwiches !!

The locals have barricaded themselves in their homes, not before stocking up on Landsdown dairy produce and decrying the lack of morals and the commercialisation of their beloved town. (completely forgetting that they never drive past a Maccy Dee’s without popping in for a big mac and Mc Flurry)

The Incomers, have taken to the streets in celebration. Saying that they are happy the town is stepping into the modern era, and have sucked down foot longs with open mouths. (while forgetting what made them want to move to Bude in the first place)

The Emmets celebrated also. When they heard subway was in Bude they immediately thought north Cornwall was getting its first underground tube stop. And were happy that they were finally gonna be able to connect with the outside world again. (instantly forgetting the trains, busses, planes and automobiles that can take them out of Bude)

The mad panic these 3 tribes caused has been called “Subway syndrome” by the local constabulary. And advised visitors to proceed with caution when entering the area. Though did hint that the panic maybe over as soon as someone asks for a Chinese takeaway recommendation on Bude Banter.  A spokesmen from Cormac was also quoted as saying “we may well have to install traffic lights back on the roundabout to contain this mass hysteria”


There have been no reports of this Crazy crazy behaviour spreading across the Tamar river in to Devon.



Updated: June 19, 2018 — 1:41 pm
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