News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Coffee couriers put on impressive mating display in Holsworthy Square.


Holsworthy Square was thrown into absolute chaos yesterday with our boy racer coffee couriers causing manic mayhem. They where seen pulling off well executed hand brake turns and many other cool stunts with their cars in the town. After speaking to three of the members of the coffee courier drivers club, we established the true reason. They where putting on an impressive mating display.

Apparently, there was 2 girls aged  46 and 62 who where present in the square. The boys couldn’t handle themselves with this much tottie hanging around the square. The boys could only do one thing, compete aggressively in what was a barbaric mating display with loud exhausts screaming where each boy racer was trying to be the loudest, wheel spinning to see who could leave the biggest skid marks (obviously never looked in their underwear), beeping horns, a sign of being horny and the most important display feature, a well executed hand brake turn. Nothing turns a lady friend on more than one of these.

Holsworthy Mafia issues no apology, the Don simply claimed that “cock blocking isn’t a cool thing to do”. I did some research, the Don was indeed involved. He was doing donuts in his mobility scooter, and by doing donuts, he was sat there with his belly by his knees eating a pack of donuts.

Holsworthy Police also had this to say:

We got a call in by a concerned citizen of Holsworthy, but we couldn’t attend. We would obviously of won the ladies though, a well executed hand brake turn with blue flashy lights really does turn the ladies on. Besides, we could just arrest everyone else and keep the tottie to ourselves.

The Don said this will likely go on and on, after all, the boys are so ugly, they have no chance of pulling a girl in a bar. This is their only hope.




Updated: May 14, 2018 — 8:38 am
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