News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Holsworthy has achieved grade 1 listed status… The entire town…


Today there is great news for Holsworthy, the entire town including unfinished building projects such as the Bazaar, (the Dons Nuclear Silo project) has achieved Grade 1 listed status. Another noted change which wasn’t made clear was Holsworthy now has a single address which will confuse all delivery drivers as all packages will be delivered to: Holsworthy, England, EX226, which is now located off the side of the viaduct.

The Government chose Holsworthy to be listed because of the large volume of charity shops & hair dressers within such a small area giving the town status of national significance. This now means, from today onward, the town will be frozen in time. No alterations can be made to the town at all, even a rotten garden shed cannot be adjusted and the Bazaar will remain unfinished for ever.


There is a also another great bit of news. Since there are two properties in Holsworthy of a different national significance, they will also be award a listing, but in a special category never used before: ”GRADE 420”. The properties we speak of are located on North Road opposite the church yard and have been painted green to highlight their special qualities. These qualities include, late night youthful high jinx, special usage of Police resources and exceptional consumption of  our Columbia “coffee”.

The Don had this to say:

The bloody planning officer wants shooting. I now have to go to the bottom of the viaduct to get my Amazon orders and my adult magazines, I am not impressed at all.

Me and Peter personally believe this is bullshit. Apparently, even moving a wheelie bin will set the planning officer off like a traffic warden in the Square.



Updated: April 27, 2018 — 4:22 pm
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