The Don is on a roll with his silly remarks today, but I think this one takes the biscuit. This time, the Don has suggested the next mode of transportation that should face scrutiny is horse and cart.
HORSE MOT RULES
Horses should see an annual MoT inspection which will inspect the horses health and make sure its roadworthy. Failure of being roadworthy would result in a failed MoT certificate making the horse illegal to drive on the roads.
Parts of the horse that should be subject to inspection would be:
- Knee Joints
- Spec Savers Horse Eye Test
- Exhaust Emissions (methane)
- Fuel Consumption to power output ratio (minimum 10BHP)
- Condition of the paint job on the fur and inspection for rust
The horse MOT would be carried out at Penbode Veterinary Clinic (they don’t know this yet).
HORSE TAXATION RULES
Horses should of course pay road tax based on emissions and classes. For example, a fat horse may consume more fuel and emit more gasses and produce little power, this of course would mean a higher road tax class. A lean race horse that consumes a reasonable amount of fuel and produces maximum power may get a lower tax class as it’ll get to where its going quicker and therefore release less methane exhaust gas during its journey.
- Class A Horse: £350/year – Fat plonky low powered
- Class B Horse: £300/year – Ordinary horse. Boring colour… Nothing exciting.
- Class C Horse: £250/year – Racing Horse. Because Race Horse. No logic in this. Shut up.
- Class D Horse: £000/year – Plonky Donky / Shetland Pony / Those annoying ponies on Dartmoor that stick their heads in your car window when you stop to scare the shit out of you. Reason for £0 tax? They’re funny. End of.
We will send a man with a exhaust probe to test your horses emissions. He looks and acts strange and isn’t able to be within 500m of a school, so make sure your horse isn’t near a school… or a child.
HORSE INSURANCE RULES
Horses should legally pay horse insurance, have you seen the damage a pissed of horse can do? It can kill someone, smack a car up beyond repair. This is quite important for the safety of the roads, because money being paid out in compensation makes things safe. Yeah, shut up, it does.
Basically, I’m bored of horses now. Make up your own Horse Insurance rules. Blah Blah Blah… Oh look, its a RACE CAR! See ya!