News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Mafia Coffee Distributor disturbs ancient town market in what is a dose of youthfull high jinx.


The Holsworthy Mafia are apologetic this morning after a known delivery courier of our Colombian “coffee” distributor left his vehicle in the town square on Holsworthys Market Day.

Despite signs being clearly displayed about no parking on Wednesday, the naughty boy left his car parked unattended. Unfortunately, this meant we had to donate the car to the Market traders who sold it back to the owner for £10.

We’ve told the car owner if this happens again, we will replace his airlift suspension with STANDARD SPRINGS and replace his alloys with STEEL WHEELS. The young youthful yobbo commented on our means of punishment as cruel and wicked and no BMW driver should ever have to suffer the shame of rolling on steelies.

The Don was asked to comment, he politely said to us “go away, I’m sleeping”. We asked our older retired members what they thought of this car and its mods, they said it was indeed “trendy” and “cool”. We also learned his custom numberplace was a tribute to Liverpool FC, LPV was meant to be LVP but he typed it in wrong when ordering the plate.

The sticker was mentioned by our mafia older generation, they assumed it meant this car doubled as a time machine and that was the only explanation.

The Holsworthy Mafia would like to say we’re sorry for this to Sir Jon of Hutchings and his organisation.



Updated: April 18, 2018 — 9:36 am
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