News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia



The Don has issued a chilling warning to the Cornish. He said last night in an emergency meeting he chaired with the National Security Council that he is willing to launch his nuclear missiles over the border into Cornwall if they continue putting cream on top of the JAM on scones.

He said behaviour such as this is backed by Cornish Libration Army and will not be tolerated by the UN and the Holsworthy Mafia.

The UN council backed the Dons warning to launch a Nuclear warhead into the lands of ZE CORNISH. The missile he wants to use is ready to launch thanks to recent youthful hi jinx at the party held in the Bazaar last week causing the rooftop to fully collapse exposing the warhead.

Holsworthy Mafia’s Leading Jam-ologist Madam Martha Lade issued the following statement:

Acts such as putting the cream on top of the jam is classed as treason and has proven to lower IQ and increase your career chances of becoming a Traffic Warden. This will result in a nightmare for everyone. SO STOP DOING IT!

The Dons right hand man Mr Wright was seen at the meeting testing samples of jam that had Cream put on top first and confirmed this just isn’t right. The correct way is simply putting the jam on top of the cream, the cream acts as a soft but stable platform for the jam to sit on comfortably, this allows the perfect distribution of weight over the scone resulting in a longer lasting delightful pudding (YES ITS A PUDDING).

Tony Bigmans Left hand guy, Mr Lepht also Agreed with Mr Wright on the subject, but disagrees with the pudding statement saying its clearly a savoury treat, one does not simply have this after ones lunch.



Updated: April 9, 2018 — 2:03 pm
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