News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

We’ve left the European Union. We’re in Siberia now.

The Don would like to formally apologise to the UK citizens. When we decided to leave the EU, we wanted to end up somewhere like the mediterranean but apparently, this wasn’t possible. Instead, the UK has been moved away from Europe into the north of Russia, hence the snow.

We where given two choices, remain or leave and we voted leave with the help of our Russian pals. They offered us a spot above Russia where tempetures would be cooler making us a much cooler nation than the rest of the world, nothing is as cool as the UK.

Complaints have come in nation wide though and the Dons email box has been overfilled with letters of anger from UK citizens. He’s been told that because of the colder weather, Cornwall will no longer be the summer place to be, a risk to its economy where pasties are sold to beach goers, the Don would like to respond with this statement:

Although Cornwall is much colder than it was before, its still warmer than the rest of the UK in comparison. For example, once we’ve settled, Scotland and the north of England will see -40 temps while Cornwall will see a more heart warming -36, thus keeping the county in a warmer position and keeping its summertime tourists.

The Don would also like to stress that the above is absolutely true and nothing to do with a nuclear winter caused by a testing of one of his newly acquired Trident Missiles which might or might not of went wrong.

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Updated: March 18, 2018 — 10:58 am
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